mousquetaire: (w a r y)
D'Artagnan ([personal profile] mousquetaire) wrote2014-04-29 10:07 pm

IC Inbox - CDC

 

DARTAGNAN@CDC.ORG
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first day of mapping; action

[personal profile] cicatrize 2015-03-03 06:49 am (UTC)(link)
[ jack's been driving for over ten hours without more of a break than pulling over to piss, seeing as he's the only one on the team that has driver access to his rover, but the caravan is finally taking a stop to stretch legs, nap, do whatever. he'd been thinking about d'artagnan and the couple of fights they'd had, one after the other, of late. it didn't escape him that, not only had d'artagnan not come to check on him at the RV point (usually he's the first in line to grab jack's face and mother hen him, just behind michelle), but he's been avoiding him for the entirity of the drive.

which, had, at first, made him pissed. because he is jack and nothing is ever his fault, it's always someone else being ridiculous, not him. for a few hours, he stewed in that, possibly hitting every rock and tree on his way just to jostle the back of the rover in a passive aggressive kind of bitterness for it. the next few hours after that, when he ran out of rationalizations to avoid the 'so i'm acting like a child' truth, it eventually waited out his petulance and became too clear not to admit to. after that? depression. loneliness. a bit of self-loathing. for god sake, he'd punched d'artagnan before and still hadn't gotten the cold shoulder from him then. how huge of an asshole had he been that he's now not even acknowledging jack's existence.

of course, it's not like jack had gone out of his way to approach him. he typically doesn't, with people. the default of his life had been 'they come to me, or they wait until i send someone else to order them here'. not that he hadn't gone to hang out with him on occassion, but more often than not, d'artagnan was the one who actually stood by accepted behavior of 'friend'. not that jack is incredibly well versed in what that's supposed to mean anyway.

so, once the rover pulls to a halt in a clear, and jack makes a loud groaning sound as he stands up from the drivers seat, stretching cramped legs, he's resigned to go find d'artagnan and... do something. tell him to hit him, maybe? let him tell him how big of a prick he is? make him a little bouquet of flowers? however this is supposed to go. which, is another issue. how is this supposed to go? that's an issue, and jack takes a side trip to the bathroom to... fix his hair. brush his teeth? various inconsequential things that gave him time to think about it. however, he still came up with about the same: who fucking knows? with a huff (and perfect hair and perfect teeth and smelling like a GQ model), he's stepping out and heading straight for where d'artagnan is resting.

stops about four feet in front of him.

stares. ]


Hey.
cicatrize: (Default)

[personal profile] cicatrize 2015-03-10 02:04 am (UTC)(link)
[ he watches d’artagnan looking like he’s about to gear up, and something in jack drops, thinking he’s that willing to just get away from him. Maybe he ought to just leave him be, like he did steve and peggy. Bridges burned. There typically always was a breaking point for people that really got to know him. Even joseph got to a point that he couldn’t withstand the person jack was. Broke in the worst way possible. Jack practically pulled the trigger on him.

It’s a deep kind of sorrow that line of thought brings up, and he has to pause a moment, looking at his hands, with the unexpected rise of the memory. It takes a moment, but he clears his throat, looking back up to d’artagnan with a less guarded expression. Less practiced. ]


No, we’re just taking a break. I can’t hold it for 10 hours straight.

[ he snorts a short, hollow laugh. Yeah, great jack, start this talk with pissing. Ugh. ]

I just, um. [ stupid, that he can’t have a dignified composure in this. Obvious in how concerned, or guilted, he is. ] Wanted to check in. Haven’t seen you in a while.
cicatrize: (pic#7757947)

[personal profile] cicatrize 2015-03-23 01:54 pm (UTC)(link)
[ of course he hadn’t faulted jack for it. He’s d’artagnan. It’s what he does. A small, half smile tugs the corner of his lips up some, endeared by his friend. Athos has always been right in calling him the best of us.

Jack lets out a slow exhale, looking down to his shoes as he leans against the wall next to him, hands in his coat pockets. ]


Well, I suffer from a terminal condition of Asshole, so. [ a quiet huff, attempting to be humoring, but it comes out mostly empty. ]

I speak too harshly, too often, and at the wrong times. You didn’t deserve that from me.

[ this is jack saying he’s sorry. ]
cicatrize: (Default)

[personal profile] cicatrize 2015-04-02 02:25 am (UTC)(link)
[ jack's bro furrows, watching d'artagnan as he speaks, the glance away, the lift of his brow, and the shrug of his shoulder.

he's not good at this kind of thing. he doesn't know how it's supposed to go, where the balance is supposed to be. 'friend' is such a foreign concept to him, and he'd never, really, had a successful, lasting friendship. not before cdc. ]


It won't stop us being friends.

[ he speaks, a bit perplexed. ]

My thoughts on you or... feelings for you-- [ that sounds ridiculous. and gay. ] --haven't changed and won't. You're still my closest friend, outside of Hanna. Disapproving of something you've done won't change that.
cicatrize: (pic#8616190)

[personal profile] cicatrize 2015-04-13 09:37 am (UTC)(link)
[ he blinks, head tilting and lips parting, like there's words on his tongue he doesn't quite know how to form, and jack looks like he genuinely doesn't get it. there's a lot of horrible things jack's done when he's angry, including punching d'artagnan in the face, not that that's excusable, but it's something he's never really... thought of after the fact. more like shoves it away with selective memory. confronting the horrible parts of who he is has never been something jack's done willfully. most of the time, at least.

eyes drift down, at the rover floor, brows knitting, and tries to think on it. friendship isn't something he's known before the cdc, nor is extending himself for the sake of it. he speaks carefully, as if trying to assure that it's accurate. ]


I was... livid, at the time. I wouldn't have done it.

[ he lies so easily now that he has to catch himself before it happens, but that is the truth. he was pissed. taking it personally, applying things d'artagnan had nothing to do with, that jack can't talk about, to the situation. which, means the real honesty ends there. at least partly. he looks down at his hands, turning one of the rings on his fingers habitually. ]

Not that I'm one to lecture on selfishness, but it's one thing to put yourself at risk, and another entirely to knowingly put another in the line of fire for your integrity alone.
cicatrize: (Default)

[personal profile] cicatrize 2015-04-14 01:43 am (UTC)(link)
All Simon did was ask questions. All Michelle did was ask questions.

[ there's a difference, between conversation and pushing. it starts to look like accusation. it starts to look like dissent. no one seems to get that here, what they risk in letting their mouth run. it's really a wonder more haven't gone through what he did. maybe they have, and it only happened as quietly to them as it did to jack. the rover, after all, was sound proof. no one aside from gliese, michelle, and himself heard his screams.

as he continues, jack's eyes widen some, as if being slapped across the cheek, starting to drift elsewhere as he outlines his offense. he wants to say he had cared, that that was why he'd come to him so immediately, and why he'd been so vicious about it. all jack knows about delivering a point is being ruthless with it. the consequences of it have never particularly mattered. or, rather, he'd thought he had nothing to lose, for a long while. but, really, had he? he'd been scared, for what he has now, for losing it. for having it broken. his jaw works, shifting from one side to the other, before he speaks quietly. ]


No. [ jack voices, quiet but clear, and level, as if it comes from a perfectly logical, stable place in his mind. ] I only cared about myself.

[ hanna is a vice for him as much as anything else. something he uses as a crutch. someone who's support he's never lost, and someone who knows all his secrets and bears them for him. ]

A change of scenery and half a year doesn't change that. I'm sorry. [ for what he did, for who he is, for what he can't, or won't, change about himself. he really isn't even certain anymore. and maybe he's someone for d'artagnan to perserve over. an obstacle in the road. but the truth remains the same. he has no excuse for what he did. ]
Edited 2015-04-14 01:44 (UTC)
cicatrize: (Default)

[personal profile] cicatrize 2015-04-15 09:25 pm (UTC)(link)
[ his eyes hold d'artagnan as he speaks, firm and clear and with that tinge of anger. the command in it, and the consequence, and jack knows d'artagnan isn't a man who speaks anything but what he honestly feels.

for a moment, there's a fear in him, that he'll snap some time, that he'll fuck up again, or that d'artagnan will change his mind a few days from now and tell him never to speak to him again.

the people he has here are all he has, and the thought of losing them, of losing someone so important to him as d'artagnan, it terrifying. ]


Understood.

[ that only. ]
cicatrize: (Default)

[personal profile] cicatrize 2015-04-28 11:29 pm (UTC)(link)
[ jack chuckles, a bit airey, and slightly incredulous. he's apologizing, after all jack had done, after all he'd just said. d'artagnan is apologizing, and it's so incredibly him, jack's a bit lost in himself over it. ]

You're so strange.

[ he smiles, strained, but lifts a hand to grip at his bicep, squeezing a moment. ]

You don't have a reason to be. That's my line.
cicatrize: (pic#7745053)

[personal profile] cicatrize 2015-05-08 02:44 am (UTC)(link)
[ jack can't help the small smile that lifts the corner of his lips momentarily, always reminded of moments that d'artagnan had been the most comforting thing in the world to him. his fingers squeeze back, for a moment, before letting him go. ]

No, not unless you'd like it lorded over you until kingdom come.