[ That’s what stings so much. All he’d done was talk, and half a dozen people took it upon themselves to tell him he couldn’t. Jack isn’t the only one he’d been angry with that day, but of all of them, Jack is the one he’s closest to. The one that he would have thought would trust him, and instead, Jack had threatened him. No one else had done that. ]
All I did was ask questions. I didn’t disobey, and I won’t. There’s too many people I have to protect and you, you should know that.
They have my father, Jack. And they have Aramis and Porthos, on another ship, and Athos, on this ship, and they have Alina and they have you. And if they wanted, they could reach Constance or Treville or any of them. But you didn’t care about them, or me. You only cared what would happen to Hanna. Tell me I’m wrong if you like, but that’s what you said.
All Simon did was ask questions. All Michelle did was ask questions.
[ there's a difference, between conversation and pushing. it starts to look like accusation. it starts to look like dissent. no one seems to get that here, what they risk in letting their mouth run. it's really a wonder more haven't gone through what he did. maybe they have, and it only happened as quietly to them as it did to jack. the rover, after all, was sound proof. no one aside from gliese, michelle, and himself heard his screams.
as he continues, jack's eyes widen some, as if being slapped across the cheek, starting to drift elsewhere as he outlines his offense. he wants to say he had cared, that that was why he'd come to him so immediately, and why he'd been so vicious about it. all jack knows about delivering a point is being ruthless with it. the consequences of it have never particularly mattered. or, rather, he'd thought he had nothing to lose, for a long while. but, really, had he? he'd been scared, for what he has now, for losing it. for having it broken. his jaw works, shifting from one side to the other, before he speaks quietly. ]
No. [ jack voices, quiet but clear, and level, as if it comes from a perfectly logical, stable place in his mind. ] I only cared about myself.
[ hanna is a vice for him as much as anything else. something he uses as a crutch. someone who's support he's never lost, and someone who knows all his secrets and bears them for him. ]
A change of scenery and half a year doesn't change that. I'm sorry. [ for what he did, for who he is, for what he can't, or won't, change about himself. he really isn't even certain anymore. and maybe he's someone for d'artagnan to perserve over. an obstacle in the road. but the truth remains the same. he has no excuse for what he did. ]
[ There is a difference. But that's a boundary d'Artagnan hasn't crossed, has never crossed. At least, not yet, and for now, he thinks he knows where that boundary lies. He's talked to Armada about it. He's even talked to Gliese about it, to an extent. He thinks he knows what he's doing.
And even if he doesn't, that's not his point. Jack is one of the few that he might actually listen to, even when he's tired of being lectured by everyone.
He doesn't argue, when Jack qualifies it. I only cared about myself. He doesn't think it's true, though. He remembers the man who ran towards a bomb just to try and save him. That's always his image of Jack. Because of that moment, he never had any doubt that Jack cared about him. Not until the day he'd threatened him for Hanna's sake.
He sets his jaw, and points at Jack. His dark eyes hold a hint of temper, but his voice is absolutely, perfectly calm. ]
You don't threaten me again. Not like that. I mean it, Jack. If you're my friend, you don't say that to me.
[ his eyes hold d'artagnan as he speaks, firm and clear and with that tinge of anger. the command in it, and the consequence, and jack knows d'artagnan isn't a man who speaks anything but what he honestly feels.
for a moment, there's a fear in him, that he'll snap some time, that he'll fuck up again, or that d'artagnan will change his mind a few days from now and tell him never to speak to him again.
the people he has here are all he has, and the thought of losing them, of losing someone so important to him as d'artagnan, it terrifying. ]
[ D’Artagnan meets Jack’s eyes silently. There are few things in the universe more important to him than friendship. He had lost his family, and since then his friends have become that connection for him. Athos, Aramis, Porthos. His family. He had begun to count Jack as one of them. His friendship would not be easily lost, could not be easily lost, but he takes betrayal hard, and that’s what that threat had felt like.
Even so, there’s little more to be said about it now. The anger seems to settle in him after that, and then finally he nods, accepting it. He comes up to Jack, setting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing it. ]
All right. So I won’t give you space, then.
[ His hand loosens, but doesn’t go away. He looks up at Jack instead, thinking of the weeks of distance ever since they landed. Even before. ]
Sorry.
[ For all of it. For hurting him, and for the silence that went on too long. ]
[ jack chuckles, a bit airey, and slightly incredulous. he's apologizing, after all jack had done, after all he'd just said. d'artagnan is apologizing, and it's so incredibly him, jack's a bit lost in himself over it. ]
You're so strange.
[ he smiles, strained, but lifts a hand to grip at his bicep, squeezing a moment. ]
[ jack can't help the small smile that lifts the corner of his lips momentarily, always reminded of moments that d'artagnan had been the most comforting thing in the world to him. his fingers squeeze back, for a moment, before letting him go. ]
No, not unless you'd like it lorded over you until kingdom come.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ That’s what stings so much. All he’d done was talk, and half a dozen people took it upon themselves to tell him he couldn’t. Jack isn’t the only one he’d been angry with that day, but of all of them, Jack is the one he’s closest to. The one that he would have thought would trust him, and instead, Jack had threatened him. No one else had done that. ]
All I did was ask questions. I didn’t disobey, and I won’t. There’s too many people I have to protect and you, you should know that.
They have my father, Jack. And they have Aramis and Porthos, on another ship, and Athos, on this ship, and they have Alina and they have you. And if they wanted, they could reach Constance or Treville or any of them. But you didn’t care about them, or me. You only cared what would happen to Hanna. Tell me I’m wrong if you like, but that’s what you said.
no subject
[ there's a difference, between conversation and pushing. it starts to look like accusation. it starts to look like dissent. no one seems to get that here, what they risk in letting their mouth run. it's really a wonder more haven't gone through what he did. maybe they have, and it only happened as quietly to them as it did to jack. the rover, after all, was sound proof. no one aside from gliese, michelle, and himself heard his screams.
as he continues, jack's eyes widen some, as if being slapped across the cheek, starting to drift elsewhere as he outlines his offense. he wants to say he had cared, that that was why he'd come to him so immediately, and why he'd been so vicious about it. all jack knows about delivering a point is being ruthless with it. the consequences of it have never particularly mattered. or, rather, he'd thought he had nothing to lose, for a long while. but, really, had he? he'd been scared, for what he has now, for losing it. for having it broken. his jaw works, shifting from one side to the other, before he speaks quietly. ]
No. [ jack voices, quiet but clear, and level, as if it comes from a perfectly logical, stable place in his mind. ] I only cared about myself.
[ hanna is a vice for him as much as anything else. something he uses as a crutch. someone who's support he's never lost, and someone who knows all his secrets and bears them for him. ]
A change of scenery and half a year doesn't change that. I'm sorry. [ for what he did, for who he is, for what he can't, or won't, change about himself. he really isn't even certain anymore. and maybe he's someone for d'artagnan to perserve over. an obstacle in the road. but the truth remains the same. he has no excuse for what he did. ]
no subject
And even if he doesn't, that's not his point. Jack is one of the few that he might actually listen to, even when he's tired of being lectured by everyone.
He doesn't argue, when Jack qualifies it. I only cared about myself. He doesn't think it's true, though. He remembers the man who ran towards a bomb just to try and save him. That's always his image of Jack. Because of that moment, he never had any doubt that Jack cared about him. Not until the day he'd threatened him for Hanna's sake.
He sets his jaw, and points at Jack. His dark eyes hold a hint of temper, but his voice is absolutely, perfectly calm. ]
You don't threaten me again. Not like that. I mean it, Jack. If you're my friend, you don't say that to me.
I'll take it personally. Are we clear?
no subject
for a moment, there's a fear in him, that he'll snap some time, that he'll fuck up again, or that d'artagnan will change his mind a few days from now and tell him never to speak to him again.
the people he has here are all he has, and the thought of losing them, of losing someone so important to him as d'artagnan, it terrifying. ]
Understood.
[ that only. ]
no subject
Even so, there’s little more to be said about it now. The anger seems to settle in him after that, and then finally he nods, accepting it. He comes up to Jack, setting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing it. ]
All right. So I won’t give you space, then.
[ His hand loosens, but doesn’t go away. He looks up at Jack instead, thinking of the weeks of distance ever since they landed. Even before. ]
Sorry.
[ For all of it. For hurting him, and for the silence that went on too long. ]
no subject
You're so strange.
[ he smiles, strained, but lifts a hand to grip at his bicep, squeezing a moment. ]
You don't have a reason to be. That's my line.
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No, you're probably right. I don't want you thinking I missed you, there'd be no living with you then.
no subject
No, not unless you'd like it lorded over you until kingdom come.
no subject
That would be terrible. Now come on. We should catch up with the others.