[ Athos doesn't speak for a long moment. It shouldn't surprise him that the young Gasgon has noticed, because d'Artagnan has always been clever and quick to pick up on things. But he hadn't factored that he might read something within Athos that the man himself wasn't willing to accept. He can't even bring himself to look at his uniform, the same way he can't force himself to sleep. ]
I agree that we need more information. [ He's cautious as he speaks, staring at the middle distance of the rover. ] You have to believe that I don't like this any more than you do. But if we go into this without knowing the price, d'Artagnan, then it might be something we can't afford to pay. [ The CDC has no qualms in hurting dissenters. ]
I know you're angry. So am I. But anger isn't going to get us anywhere. We have to be reasonable.
[ D'Artagnan repeats the word with a humourless bark of laughter. He answers that by taking a drink from the bottle, and swallowing wine that no longer even tastes like wine to him.
He'd do better to sleep. He doesn't want to. He can't settle himself to it, can't make himself forget his own anger. Athos is right about him. He's always had trouble with this, with letting go of things that seem so unjust. ]
None of this is reasonable. How are we supposed to find answers, when no one answers our questions? How can I fight an enemy I cannot see?
You're worried about me, Athos? This isn't Labarge in the Bastille. There's nowhere for me to run, no one for me to hunt. It would be so much easier if I did.
No, it isn't. [ He's so very tired all of a sudden. ] This is far worse than anything we've ever come across, d'Artagnan. You think I don't know it? That I sit in my cell every day and choose to simply accept my fate? I long for something I can pierce my sword with, I want nothing more than their blood to be spilt because at least then I could accept myself again. But I know that I can't simply challenge them.
[ He's seen what happens to the people who don't agree. ] I have to be cautious. I can't simply act without all the facts. [ Scrubbing his hands over his face in weary unhappiness. ] One false move and they'd drag you and Aramis from your beds and have you shot. Don't you see? They don't care. They know where to hurt us.
No. I don’t think you’d stand for this if there was a choice.
[ He says that somewhat grudgingly, because in a way it means he’s accepting that there’s nothing they can do. He takes a long drink from his bottle, swaying just slightly as he sets it down.
He’s not thinking straight. He’s full of anger and frustration and not sense, not right now. ]
But we can’t just sit still and take this, and let people die all around us. They were in pieces. I don’t want anyone else to die.
These people don’t deserve that. Even the worst of them. They don’t deserve that.
[ He's only ever felt helpless at the hands of one person before. Now the CDC have all but cracked open his ribs and left his heart vulnerable. He doesn't know how to do this and not knowing is the worst. He should be better, he should be the one who can help his friends and the people around them because without that he is nothing at all. ]
We'll do something. But it's late, and you're drunk. Take it from a man who knows, the world can't be changed under these conditions. [ With enough force in his voice. ] We will find a way, d'Artagnan. We just can't rush into anything.
[ He watches him as he moves, gaze steady even when d'Artagnan is not. ] Your heart is the biggest part of you and you don't protect it when you should. You let it rule you. [ And Athos has to be the one to guard it. It's what he's been trying to do since they got here. ]
I don't. [ He hates this, that the CDC have managed, just for a moment, to drive a wedge between them. ] D'Artagnan, I am on your side.
[ He shifts forward, elbows on his knees and his gaze firmly trained on his face. ] Trust me. I won't allow this to lay dormant. I will do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again. You and I will do what we always do and we will protect the people here. But rash decisions will get us killed. They're clever. And more wicked than anyone we've faced. We can't simply act as we've always done.
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no subject
I agree that we need more information. [ He's cautious as he speaks, staring at the middle distance of the rover. ] You have to believe that I don't like this any more than you do. But if we go into this without knowing the price, d'Artagnan, then it might be something we can't afford to pay. [ The CDC has no qualms in hurting dissenters. ]
I know you're angry. So am I. But anger isn't going to get us anywhere. We have to be reasonable.
no subject
[ D'Artagnan repeats the word with a humourless bark of laughter. He answers that by taking a drink from the bottle, and swallowing wine that no longer even tastes like wine to him.
He'd do better to sleep. He doesn't want to. He can't settle himself to it, can't make himself forget his own anger. Athos is right about him. He's always had trouble with this, with letting go of things that seem so unjust. ]
None of this is reasonable. How are we supposed to find answers, when no one answers our questions? How can I fight an enemy I cannot see?
You're worried about me, Athos? This isn't Labarge in the Bastille. There's nowhere for me to run, no one for me to hunt. It would be so much easier if I did.
no subject
[ He's seen what happens to the people who don't agree. ] I have to be cautious. I can't simply act without all the facts. [ Scrubbing his hands over his face in weary unhappiness. ] One false move and they'd drag you and Aramis from your beds and have you shot. Don't you see? They don't care. They know where to hurt us.
no subject
[ He says that somewhat grudgingly, because in a way it means he’s accepting that there’s nothing they can do. He takes a long drink from his bottle, swaying just slightly as he sets it down.
He’s not thinking straight. He’s full of anger and frustration and not sense, not right now. ]
But we can’t just sit still and take this, and let people die all around us. They were in pieces. I don’t want anyone else to die.
These people don’t deserve that. Even the worst of them. They don’t deserve that.
no subject
We'll do something. But it's late, and you're drunk. Take it from a man who knows, the world can't be changed under these conditions. [ With enough force in his voice. ] We will find a way, d'Artagnan. We just can't rush into anything.
no subject
There's nothing to rush into.
[ He gets up, taking another draw from the bottle. ]
You can stop worrying. It's not as if I'm threatening anyone.
no subject
[ He watches him as he moves, gaze steady even when d'Artagnan is not. ] Your heart is the biggest part of you and you don't protect it when you should. You let it rule you. [ And Athos has to be the one to guard it. It's what he's been trying to do since they got here. ]
no subject
What is it you want me to do? Stop drinking, stop being angry?
I can't be happy about this, Athos. I don't think you'd expect me to be.
no subject
[ He shifts forward, elbows on his knees and his gaze firmly trained on his face. ] Trust me. I won't allow this to lay dormant. I will do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again. You and I will do what we always do and we will protect the people here. But rash decisions will get us killed. They're clever. And more wicked than anyone we've faced. We can't simply act as we've always done.