[ D'Artagnan pushes inside, automatically taking his weapons off and throwing them into his bunk. Still moving, he snags another of his wine bottles before dropping onto one of the benches, and gesturing for Athos to do the same. Koroleva will be happy now that she has Korol in her space. He won't need to worry about her now.
He pulls at the cork. ]
I'm not hungry.
[ Pop. The cork comes out and d'Artagnan sets it down, staring into the neck of the bottle while he does. ]
Has anyone moved them? The pieces. [ He'd tried not to look. ]
Yes. [ He takes his spot beside d'Artagnan, hands folded in his lap, his body angled towards him. ] I don't know what they intend to do with them. Identify the bodies first, I'm assuming.
[ He watches d'Artagnan drink for a minute, waits until the bottle is dangling between his fingertips before he speaks again. ] There's nothing you could have done. You can't blame yourself.
[ He takes another drink. A long one. He's barely feeling this now, barely tastes it. It's just adding to his general feeling of haze.
But it's not guilt. He couldn't have done anything about this, he knows that. He'd been asleep. Everyone should have been asleep. This wasn't a fight, it was a slaughter. ]
This isn't me, it's not any of us. It was them. These things keep happening, Athos. The harpies, two avalanches. Now this? How long before it's one of us? You or Aramis.
[ He smiles, shaking his head, and takes another drink. ]
And what? [ He feels unprepared for this, for any of it. Who is the real enemy? Is it the CDC? The planet itself? Something else? How can he be any help if he doesn't know himself? ]
What would you do if you knew? [ A pause. ] You'd fight them? D'Artagnan, you know I don't doubt you or your ability, but these things are well beyond our comprehension.
[ His temper is shorter than it should be. His words are rash, and he knows it, and somewhere deep inside his mind is a sober part of him that understands his words are leading him somewhere he can't go. They've already seen that there are enemies here that they've no hope of defeating. The Instructors, too, are so much stronger than any of them.
And clearly there's something that can just pull them apart whenever it wants to. This isn't an enemy d'Artagnan can beat. Not even with his friends' help.
He doesn't care about that right now. ]
Are we supposed to just keep sitting back, waiting for the next person to die in the next most gruesome way? This is madness. All of it is. I'd rather die fighting for what I know is right than live and watch this keep happening.
D'Artagnan. [ He heaves out a sigh, something desperate and exhausted. His eyes though, they're full of nothing but concern. Concern for the man sitting beside him, for one of the only people in this godforsaken place that he fights for. He doesn't know how to make this better, how to help him. And he knows that anger isn't directed at him. He almost wishes it were. Being angry at his failings wouldn't get d'Artagnan dead. ]
What can we do? Die in the process? There are so few here who would protect each other. But we're here. We have a duty to these people to stay alive long enough to get them home. Storming the instructors, fighting the CDC - where would that get us? A shallow grave on a planet we have no place in belonging to.
[ It's frustrating. The worst thing about being here is how helpless they are to stop all the bad that happens. Question the Instructors and they just get shot down. Or worse, they could be putting themselves in active danger. D'Artagnan is the sort of man who sees pain and injustice and wants to do something about it. He doesn't want to be told that he can't, that there's nowhere to direct that anger.
Because what is the alternative, exactly? Accepting this? ]
You know I don't want to die here. But what are we if we can't stop this from happening? You don't even wear your uniform anymore.
[ Don't think he hasn't noticed. Athos had arrived with it, but d'Artagnan has barely seen sight of it since. ]
Do we even know the Instructors are doing this? Maybe it's not the CDC at all, maybe it's someone attacking them! Either way we can't just do nothing while people keep dying.
[ Athos doesn't speak for a long moment. It shouldn't surprise him that the young Gasgon has noticed, because d'Artagnan has always been clever and quick to pick up on things. But he hadn't factored that he might read something within Athos that the man himself wasn't willing to accept. He can't even bring himself to look at his uniform, the same way he can't force himself to sleep. ]
I agree that we need more information. [ He's cautious as he speaks, staring at the middle distance of the rover. ] You have to believe that I don't like this any more than you do. But if we go into this without knowing the price, d'Artagnan, then it might be something we can't afford to pay. [ The CDC has no qualms in hurting dissenters. ]
I know you're angry. So am I. But anger isn't going to get us anywhere. We have to be reasonable.
[ D'Artagnan repeats the word with a humourless bark of laughter. He answers that by taking a drink from the bottle, and swallowing wine that no longer even tastes like wine to him.
He'd do better to sleep. He doesn't want to. He can't settle himself to it, can't make himself forget his own anger. Athos is right about him. He's always had trouble with this, with letting go of things that seem so unjust. ]
None of this is reasonable. How are we supposed to find answers, when no one answers our questions? How can I fight an enemy I cannot see?
You're worried about me, Athos? This isn't Labarge in the Bastille. There's nowhere for me to run, no one for me to hunt. It would be so much easier if I did.
No, it isn't. [ He's so very tired all of a sudden. ] This is far worse than anything we've ever come across, d'Artagnan. You think I don't know it? That I sit in my cell every day and choose to simply accept my fate? I long for something I can pierce my sword with, I want nothing more than their blood to be spilt because at least then I could accept myself again. But I know that I can't simply challenge them.
[ He's seen what happens to the people who don't agree. ] I have to be cautious. I can't simply act without all the facts. [ Scrubbing his hands over his face in weary unhappiness. ] One false move and they'd drag you and Aramis from your beds and have you shot. Don't you see? They don't care. They know where to hurt us.
No. I don’t think you’d stand for this if there was a choice.
[ He says that somewhat grudgingly, because in a way it means he’s accepting that there’s nothing they can do. He takes a long drink from his bottle, swaying just slightly as he sets it down.
He’s not thinking straight. He’s full of anger and frustration and not sense, not right now. ]
But we can’t just sit still and take this, and let people die all around us. They were in pieces. I don’t want anyone else to die.
These people don’t deserve that. Even the worst of them. They don’t deserve that.
[ He's only ever felt helpless at the hands of one person before. Now the CDC have all but cracked open his ribs and left his heart vulnerable. He doesn't know how to do this and not knowing is the worst. He should be better, he should be the one who can help his friends and the people around them because without that he is nothing at all. ]
We'll do something. But it's late, and you're drunk. Take it from a man who knows, the world can't be changed under these conditions. [ With enough force in his voice. ] We will find a way, d'Artagnan. We just can't rush into anything.
[ He watches him as he moves, gaze steady even when d'Artagnan is not. ] Your heart is the biggest part of you and you don't protect it when you should. You let it rule you. [ And Athos has to be the one to guard it. It's what he's been trying to do since they got here. ]
I don't. [ He hates this, that the CDC have managed, just for a moment, to drive a wedge between them. ] D'Artagnan, I am on your side.
[ He shifts forward, elbows on his knees and his gaze firmly trained on his face. ] Trust me. I won't allow this to lay dormant. I will do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again. You and I will do what we always do and we will protect the people here. But rash decisions will get us killed. They're clever. And more wicked than anyone we've faced. We can't simply act as we've always done.
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no subject
He pulls at the cork. ]
I'm not hungry.
[ Pop. The cork comes out and d'Artagnan sets it down, staring into the neck of the bottle while he does. ]
Has anyone moved them? The pieces. [ He'd tried not to look. ]
no subject
[ He watches d'Artagnan drink for a minute, waits until the bottle is dangling between his fingertips before he speaks again. ] There's nothing you could have done. You can't blame yourself.
no subject
[ He takes another drink. A long one. He's barely feeling this now, barely tastes it. It's just adding to his general feeling of haze.
But it's not guilt. He couldn't have done anything about this, he knows that. He'd been asleep. Everyone should have been asleep. This wasn't a fight, it was a slaughter. ]
This isn't me, it's not any of us. It was them. These things keep happening, Athos. The harpies, two avalanches. Now this? How long before it's one of us? You or Aramis.
[ He smiles, shaking his head, and takes another drink. ]
I want to know who did it.
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What would you do if you knew? [ A pause. ] You'd fight them? D'Artagnan, you know I don't doubt you or your ability, but these things are well beyond our comprehension.
no subject
[ His temper is shorter than it should be. His words are rash, and he knows it, and somewhere deep inside his mind is a sober part of him that understands his words are leading him somewhere he can't go. They've already seen that there are enemies here that they've no hope of defeating. The Instructors, too, are so much stronger than any of them.
And clearly there's something that can just pull them apart whenever it wants to. This isn't an enemy d'Artagnan can beat. Not even with his friends' help.
He doesn't care about that right now. ]
Are we supposed to just keep sitting back, waiting for the next person to die in the next most gruesome way? This is madness. All of it is. I'd rather die fighting for what I know is right than live and watch this keep happening.
no subject
What can we do? Die in the process? There are so few here who would protect each other. But we're here. We have a duty to these people to stay alive long enough to get them home. Storming the instructors, fighting the CDC - where would that get us? A shallow grave on a planet we have no place in belonging to.
no subject
Because what is the alternative, exactly? Accepting this? ]
You know I don't want to die here. But what are we if we can't stop this from happening? You don't even wear your uniform anymore.
[ Don't think he hasn't noticed. Athos had arrived with it, but d'Artagnan has barely seen sight of it since. ]
Do we even know the Instructors are doing this? Maybe it's not the CDC at all, maybe it's someone attacking them! Either way we can't just do nothing while people keep dying.
no subject
I agree that we need more information. [ He's cautious as he speaks, staring at the middle distance of the rover. ] You have to believe that I don't like this any more than you do. But if we go into this without knowing the price, d'Artagnan, then it might be something we can't afford to pay. [ The CDC has no qualms in hurting dissenters. ]
I know you're angry. So am I. But anger isn't going to get us anywhere. We have to be reasonable.
no subject
[ D'Artagnan repeats the word with a humourless bark of laughter. He answers that by taking a drink from the bottle, and swallowing wine that no longer even tastes like wine to him.
He'd do better to sleep. He doesn't want to. He can't settle himself to it, can't make himself forget his own anger. Athos is right about him. He's always had trouble with this, with letting go of things that seem so unjust. ]
None of this is reasonable. How are we supposed to find answers, when no one answers our questions? How can I fight an enemy I cannot see?
You're worried about me, Athos? This isn't Labarge in the Bastille. There's nowhere for me to run, no one for me to hunt. It would be so much easier if I did.
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[ He's seen what happens to the people who don't agree. ] I have to be cautious. I can't simply act without all the facts. [ Scrubbing his hands over his face in weary unhappiness. ] One false move and they'd drag you and Aramis from your beds and have you shot. Don't you see? They don't care. They know where to hurt us.
no subject
[ He says that somewhat grudgingly, because in a way it means he’s accepting that there’s nothing they can do. He takes a long drink from his bottle, swaying just slightly as he sets it down.
He’s not thinking straight. He’s full of anger and frustration and not sense, not right now. ]
But we can’t just sit still and take this, and let people die all around us. They were in pieces. I don’t want anyone else to die.
These people don’t deserve that. Even the worst of them. They don’t deserve that.
no subject
We'll do something. But it's late, and you're drunk. Take it from a man who knows, the world can't be changed under these conditions. [ With enough force in his voice. ] We will find a way, d'Artagnan. We just can't rush into anything.
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There's nothing to rush into.
[ He gets up, taking another draw from the bottle. ]
You can stop worrying. It's not as if I'm threatening anyone.
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[ He watches him as he moves, gaze steady even when d'Artagnan is not. ] Your heart is the biggest part of you and you don't protect it when you should. You let it rule you. [ And Athos has to be the one to guard it. It's what he's been trying to do since they got here. ]
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What is it you want me to do? Stop drinking, stop being angry?
I can't be happy about this, Athos. I don't think you'd expect me to be.
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[ He shifts forward, elbows on his knees and his gaze firmly trained on his face. ] Trust me. I won't allow this to lay dormant. I will do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again. You and I will do what we always do and we will protect the people here. But rash decisions will get us killed. They're clever. And more wicked than anyone we've faced. We can't simply act as we've always done.