I could try to be less harsh if you could aim to be less prone to throwing yourself at every threat under the sun.
[ There's a smile in his voice as he takes a sip again. He's drinking slowly, in no rush to drain his cup and be drunk. ] I came to see you. Nothing more. [ Which is probably half a lie. Athos is known for being a little too protective. ] I won't rush you. And I apologise for putting you in that position in the first place. [ But he doesn't trust her and if she harmed him --. ]
[ He looks up. He hadn’t mentioned that to Athos, or to anyone else. It had been so strange, on the one hand – he’d have felt like he was claiming a fairytale was real. And then, on the other hand, events had superseded it. So many terrible things tend to happen here that by comparison, Elena biting his wrist for a minute or two hadn’t seemed that important.
Except that it had been, and he knows it, and that’s an excuse. So he holds up his wrist and pulls back his sleeve, to show Athos two tiny, healed marks there. ]
I offered. She was hurt, when she was dropped into the avalanche. Her leg was broken, badly. If she’d been human she would have lost it. It started to heal before my eyes, but not fully, because she was hungry. So I helped her.
[ He drops his hand again. ]
I couldn’t just leave her like that. She’s my friend. It didn’t seem like a lot to give.
[ He feels revulsion at the marks on d'Artagnan's wrist and cannot think why. They all have scars, some thick and ugly, some tiny and easily hidden. But there's something unnatural about the thought of this woman draining his life away because of hunger, or injury. His fingers twitch like he wants nothing more to reach out and touch him, but d'Artagnan is pulling his sleeve down and Athos only lets his grip tighten on his glass as he takes a stronger, more full swallow of his wine. ]
We spoke once. About her affliction. She asked me not to speak of it to you. [ He glances over, careful and assessing. He had no real opinion of her beyond the need to keep an eye on what she and her brethren do. But now? Now he finds Mademoiselle Gilbert something of a threat. ] I thought she was merely concerned about your reaction. But you must have already known, to have let her take from you when she arrived.
[ D’Artagnan hesitates at that, finding it strange. He frowns, and
glances down at his wrist again. He hasn’t really thought about those
marks. They’re tiny. He has plenty of scars, many of them more prominent
than this. Athos seems troubled, though. ]
She told me that day. I doubt she would have, had I not seen her leg
healing itself. When I met her at first, on Lusania, she didn’t say a word.
But I knew before we got to camp.
I don’t know why she said that. Unless it was that she didn’t want you to
know I’d helped her. Would it have bothered you?
[ He says it evenly, his expression never changing. ] I won't lie to you. You asked me not to any more.
[ He takes another drink of his wine, his thoughts a whirl of confusion and anger and fear. He lets himself steady them before he speaks again. ] I don't like that she was able to use you like that. You were helping her, I understand. But I worry that your heart will get you into further trouble. I don't trust these people. I don't think they act with honour. And I wish you wouldn't get caught up in this web.
That's what stings the most, what echoes the most in his ears. He shakes his head, as if trying to clear it. He can feel the marks on his wrist now, like a shadow of what had been. He knows that's foolish. They're long since healed. ]
I'm not in love with her, Athos. This isn't about my heart.
[ He glances up at his friend. ]
I was helping a friend. That's all. Elena isn't the one who hurt you, but...you have to know, if it came to that, it's your side I'd be standing on. I promise you.
You think you have to be in love to give someone your heart? [ He knows d'Artagnan, he feels everything so keenly and it's written on his face at all times. He's surprised no one else ever comments on it, because it's something he noticed so quickly. ]
Your affections for your friends are often the most noble thing about you. Don't let someone taint that.
But he doesn't argue. If he did, it would be a lie. He knows that. ]
Then there is nothing stronger than my affection for you.
I'm not going to ignore your concerns, or let you down. I believe, truly, that Elena is no monster. Not at heart. I'll be wary. I promise you that, but her coming saved my life in those caves. Would you have me ignore that debt?
[ His jaw goes tight and his eyes flick away and settle at his own hands. He'd failed to keep d'Artagnan and Aramis safe in that moment and Elena had been one of the ones to rescue them both. D'Artagnan is right. No matter how much he distrusts her. ]
No. [ He lets out a breath and when he speaks next it's more human. Athos talking as a friend rather than someone trying to lead and protect. ] We've both been taken in by people before. I'm just concerned about you. Of course I trust you to make the right decision.
[ D'Artagnan's quiet for a moment, watching him. Considering him.
Then, carefully, he puts his hand on Athos' arm. He squeezes it. ]
She lied, I know.
But she's not. This isn't Milady de Winter returned to haunt us, Athos. I promise you I won't underestimate her. Nor will I let any one of them take you. All right?
[ He hates to appear weak at any time. But somehow d'Artagnan has always had a habit of understanding him, seeing through the cracks in his armour to the person he is underneath. Perhaps it is getting easier simply because it's him. ]
You're right. [ Things are different here. He knows he shouldn't judge everyone by his stringent moral standards but he can't quite stop. ] This place simply has little to make me feel at ease. I confess I'm not quite as lenient as I could be.
You were never all that lenient when it came to lies, or pain. That's not because of here. That's just because you're Athos.
[ Which d'Artagnan says with a great lot of affection, and a smile that's genuine. It's a large part of why he could never act against Athos. Why he'd grown so attached to him in the first place. ]
She is not anything that could exist, where we're from. That doesn't make her a bad person, in itself. She promised she would try to keep people safe from her friend. I don't see that I can ask more of her than that.
[ He hums and takes another deep gulp of his drink, feeling the wine burning down inside of him and spreading to the edges of his body. He doesn't have it in him to argue. So instead he simply lets his shoulder rest against d'Artagnan's, lets his exhale do the agreeing for him. ]
Life before was hard but at least it was simple. [ He knew who to hate, who to fight, who to love, who to protect. Here it's all a mess. Athos no closer to understanding himself as he was before. He'd just let go of one noose to step into another. ]
[ D'Artagnan leans easily against him, comfortable with the weight of Athos against his shoulder. He smiles a little, wryly, when he thinks back on their time at home. ]
I'm not sure it ever seemed simple at the time. Are you talking about when I almost killed you, or when we realised your dead wife was trying to kill us all?
Someone wanting to kill me was so commonplace it hardly registered. [ He smirks a little, letting his eyes drift close even as they speak. It's strange how calmly he can talk of it now. The time they very nearly lost one another to a mad woman's schemes. ]
[ D'Artagnan rolls his eyes, shooting Athos a dry look. Seeing his friend's eyes have closed, though, he relaxed back, letting his own head drop against the wall behind him. ]
I never thought I'd see you nostalgic for all that.
You'll deal with this, too. Or rather we will. [ A pause. ] Though if you could avoid shooting me this time, I'd be grateful.
Shooting bad men and stopping evil schemes? Of course I am. [ He's only half joking. Being a Musketeer is simple. You run the bastards who deserve it through and you stop politics when it endangers value. He understands that. The CDC doesn't follow the same rules. They're too blatant in their observations, they'd hardly need a network of spies. ]
If you keep throwing your knife around I might be forced to. [ Shoot him, that is. ]
How will I learn to throw it on target if I have to keep it in my hand? I'm just trying to expand my skills base, Athos, you should be pleased.
[ He doesn't say anything about the rest. How they can't kill the bad men anymore, because in any fair world, the CDC would be the bad men. They've joined the wrong side. ]
I'll make it one day. I'll save all our lives with a throwing knife, you wait and see.
If that comes about then I shall surely eat my hat. [ He sounds lazy and comfortable, his wine glass caught between his thighs to balance it. He still has some liquid left but makes no move to drink it.
[ D'Artagnan looks down at him. Athos seems comfortable, and noticeably more quiet. D'Artagnan lets the silence settle, not feeling the need to fill it around his friend. His own wine is sipped slowly, and starts a comfortable blur in his mind. ]
[ He'd be surprised by how quickly he falls asleep were he aware of it. But Athos isn't. It just comes over him like settling a cloak above his shoulders. The only thing that really gives him away is the way his head dips, chin pointing towards his chest, his facial expression softened and slack. He's been so tired and it's of little wonder it's here, where he feels safest, that it finally takes him. ]
[ D'Artagnan's surprised, at first. He glances down when he feels that movement and sees his friend lying there, eyes closed, still leaning on him.
For a few moments, d'Artagnan lets him lie, assuming he'll jolt awake again. But he doesn't, and moments turn into minutes, and then minutes start ticking by, and its already late.
Finally, d'Artagnan puts a gentle, yet firm hand on Athos' arm, and gives him a little shake. ]
Athos. Athos? I'm sorry, truly, but if you're going to sleep I need to get you back. Staying with me isn't worth the curfew alarm.
[ He awakes with the same kind of start he always does around here and for a moment his hand is curled tightly around d'Artagnan's wrist before he lets go. Blinking does very little to clear the cloud of tired from his eyes but he bows his head and clears his throat. ]
My apologies. I don't know what came over me. [ His cup gets placed safely somewhere before he's scooting to stand. ] You needn't concern yourself. I can make my way back.
[ Concerned, d'Artagnan gets up and slides out of the bunk, before
holding out a hand to his friend. It's clear that Athos is tired. It's not
like him to fall asleep like that, and d'Artagnan has the distinct
impression that if he hadn't woken him, he'd have stayed that way.
That's not like him at all. ]
When's the last time you slept? You look exhausted. I'm not letting you
walk back alone.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Though probably true, at least sometimes. D'Artagnan sits easily against Athos, taking another sip of his wine.
He lets the conversation lie for a moment, lapsing into a comfortable silence.
Then: ]
Did you really come to check up on me, or did you come to talk about Elena? I did promise to come to you tomorrow, you know.
no subject
[ There's a smile in his voice as he takes a sip again. He's drinking slowly, in no rush to drain his cup and be drunk. ] I came to see you. Nothing more. [ Which is probably half a lie. Athos is known for being a little too protective. ] I won't rush you. And I apologise for putting you in that position in the first place. [ But he doesn't trust her and if she harmed him --. ]
You didn't tell me she'd fed from you before.
no subject
Except that it had been, and he knows it, and that’s an excuse. So he holds up his wrist and pulls back his sleeve, to show Athos two tiny, healed marks there. ]
I offered. She was hurt, when she was dropped into the avalanche. Her leg was broken, badly. If she’d been human she would have lost it. It started to heal before my eyes, but not fully, because she was hungry. So I helped her.
[ He drops his hand again. ]
I couldn’t just leave her like that. She’s my friend. It didn’t seem like a lot to give.
no subject
We spoke once. About her affliction. She asked me not to speak of it to you. [ He glances over, careful and assessing. He had no real opinion of her beyond the need to keep an eye on what she and her brethren do. But now? Now he finds Mademoiselle Gilbert something of a threat. ] I thought she was merely concerned about your reaction. But you must have already known, to have let her take from you when she arrived.
[ He glances away, lifts his glass once more. ]
no subject
[ D’Artagnan hesitates at that, finding it strange. He frowns, and glances down at his wrist again. He hasn’t really thought about those marks. They’re tiny. He has plenty of scars, many of them more prominent than this. Athos seems troubled, though. ]
She told me that day. I doubt she would have, had I not seen her leg healing itself. When I met her at first, on Lusania, she didn’t say a word. But I knew before we got to camp.
I don’t know why she said that. Unless it was that she didn’t want you to know I’d helped her. Would it have bothered you?
[ A pause. ] Does it bother you?
no subject
[ He says it evenly, his expression never changing. ] I won't lie to you. You asked me not to any more.
[ He takes another drink of his wine, his thoughts a whirl of confusion and anger and fear. He lets himself steady them before he speaks again. ] I don't like that she was able to use you like that. You were helping her, I understand. But I worry that your heart will get you into further trouble. I don't trust these people. I don't think they act with honour. And I wish you wouldn't get caught up in this web.
no subject
That's what stings the most, what echoes the most in his ears. He shakes his head, as if trying to clear it. He can feel the marks on his wrist now, like a shadow of what had been. He knows that's foolish. They're long since healed. ]
I'm not in love with her, Athos. This isn't about my heart.
[ He glances up at his friend. ]
I was helping a friend. That's all. Elena isn't the one who hurt you, but...you have to know, if it came to that, it's your side I'd be standing on. I promise you.
no subject
Your affections for your friends are often the most noble thing about you. Don't let someone taint that.
no subject
But he doesn't argue. If he did, it would be a lie. He knows that. ]
Then there is nothing stronger than my affection for you.
I'm not going to ignore your concerns, or let you down. I believe, truly, that Elena is no monster. Not at heart. I'll be wary. I promise you that, but her coming saved my life in those caves. Would you have me ignore that debt?
no subject
No. [ He lets out a breath and when he speaks next it's more human. Athos talking as a friend rather than someone trying to lead and protect. ] We've both been taken in by people before. I'm just concerned about you. Of course I trust you to make the right decision.
no subject
Then, carefully, he puts his hand on Athos' arm. He squeezes it. ]
She lied, I know.
But she's not. This isn't Milady de Winter returned to haunt us, Athos. I promise you I won't underestimate her. Nor will I let any one of them take you. All right?
I won't allow it.
no subject
You're right. [ Things are different here. He knows he shouldn't judge everyone by his stringent moral standards but he can't quite stop. ] This place simply has little to make me feel at ease. I confess I'm not quite as lenient as I could be.
no subject
[ Which d'Artagnan says with a great lot of affection, and a smile that's genuine. It's a large part of why he could never act against Athos. Why he'd grown so attached to him in the first place. ]
She is not anything that could exist, where we're from. That doesn't make her a bad person, in itself. She promised she would try to keep people safe from her friend. I don't see that I can ask more of her than that.
no subject
Life before was hard but at least it was simple. [ He knew who to hate, who to fight, who to love, who to protect. Here it's all a mess. Athos no closer to understanding himself as he was before. He'd just let go of one noose to step into another. ]
no subject
I'm not sure it ever seemed simple at the time. Are you talking about when I almost killed you, or when we realised your dead wife was trying to kill us all?
no subject
At least I knew how to deal with that.
no subject
I never thought I'd see you nostalgic for all that.
You'll deal with this, too. Or rather we will. [ A pause. ] Though if you could avoid shooting me this time, I'd be grateful.
no subject
If you keep throwing your knife around I might be forced to. [ Shoot him, that is. ]
no subject
How will I learn to throw it on target if I have to keep it in my hand? I'm just trying to expand my skills base, Athos, you should be pleased.
[ He doesn't say anything about the rest. How they can't kill the bad men anymore, because in any fair world, the CDC would be the bad men. They've joined the wrong side. ]
I'll make it one day. I'll save all our lives with a throwing knife, you wait and see.
no subject
For the most part he remains silent. ]
no subject
[ D'Artagnan looks down at him. Athos seems comfortable, and noticeably more quiet. D'Artagnan lets the silence settle, not feeling the need to fill it around his friend. His own wine is sipped slowly, and starts a comfortable blur in his mind. ]
no subject
no subject
For a few moments, d'Artagnan lets him lie, assuming he'll jolt awake again. But he doesn't, and moments turn into minutes, and then minutes start ticking by, and its already late.
Finally, d'Artagnan puts a gentle, yet firm hand on Athos' arm, and gives him a little shake. ]
Athos. Athos? I'm sorry, truly, but if you're going to sleep I need to get you back. Staying with me isn't worth the curfew alarm.
Come on. I'll walk you back.
no subject
My apologies. I don't know what came over me. [ His cup gets placed safely somewhere before he's scooting to stand. ] You needn't concern yourself. I can make my way back.
no subject
No you won't.
[ Concerned, d'Artagnan gets up and slides out of the bunk, before holding out a hand to his friend. It's clear that Athos is tired. It's not like him to fall asleep like that, and d'Artagnan has the distinct impression that if he hadn't woken him, he'd have stayed that way.
That's not like him at all. ]
When's the last time you slept? You look exhausted. I'm not letting you walk back alone.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)